Should You Stay Together for the Kids?
Everyone has heard the phrase, “Staying together for the kids.” But is it always a good idea? To decide whether sticking it out for the sake of your children is the right option for you, you should analyze the pros and cons.
Pro: It Will be Easier Financially
Maintaining two households is expensive, and many parents are struggling or barely making ends meet as is. Can you really afford for one parent to set up an apartment somewhere or buy a new home? You will probably pay more in food, gas, and utilities, to say nothing about the extra mortgage or rent payment. If you can not swing a separation financially, then you might need to stay together.
Con: An Abusive Relationship Can Harm Your Children
Some marriages are so tumultuous or abusive that your children live in fear and probably avoid asking friends to come over. Hearing that the marriage is over might elicit a sigh of relief. By ending the relationship, you can dramatically improve your children’s state of mind and can also be more available for your children.
Pro: Your Children Could be Harmed by Divorce
Many people believe that children are resilient and can come through the divorce with flying colors. Although that may be true for some children, it certainly is not true for all. As Time Magazine reported recently, many middle-aged people are speaking out about the pain they have carried from their parents’ divorce decades ago. Therapist Judith Wallerstein, for example, argued in her book The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce that children experience more serious, and longer lasting, harm than many people have suspected.
Con: You Model for Your Children that it is Okay to be Miserable
Children look to their parents as role models, and people who are miserable and constantly bickering set a terrible example for their children. Some parents wrongly believe that they are effectively hiding their disagreements from their children. But as psychologist Leslie Becker-Phelps has argued, children pick up more than you might think. Children will learn that you cope with stress by denying that there is a problem””a terrible lesson for your children going forward.
Considering Divorce? Discuss Your Legal Concerns with a Lakewood, Colorado Divorce Lawyer
Whether to get divorced is a complicated question, and only you can answer it. However, if you have questions about how a divorce will affect you legally, you should meet with an experienced Greenwood divorce attorney. At Divorce Matters, we offer potential clients a free consultation, so please contact us today.
